Had a bad day again

Don't read below post if you want to read happy thoughts.

I've had one too many of those lately. I'm sick of them. Anna was a mess today. My normally mild mannered sweet little girl was well... not so much. She ripped pages out of a libabry book. Not just ripped them out in a way that I could tape back in but ripped them out and tore them into shreds, sigh.

Maybe I'm just letting all this stuff with my parents get to me too much. I'm much happier when they just leave us alone and don't call.

I'm determined to have a better day tomorrow, dang it! If it kills me.
*** Edited this part for reasons best left undiscussed.***

"And she said you would not understand" Yeah, probably not.

S

They're back!!!

Yeah so my "men" are home. And things are already hectic. Anna won't fall asleep, I'm guessing b/c she can hear the boys... they refuse to be quiet when she's trying to sleep. I think it might be a mental disorder. LMBO. In some ways, in alot of ways, its really really nice for them to be home though. I missed them. Mostly I missed Brett ALOT. I had bad dreams both nights he was gone... I guess I feel like Becky and really vunerable when he's gone. I guess that shoulda been a no-brainer! I used to not be this bad, until all this crap with my parents started happening. Now I get anxiety when he's not here, in case more drama happens and I have to go it alone. Geeze. Oh well, the important thing is that they are HOME!

(Note- family drama below, read at your own caution, lots of rambling.)
My brothers talked to my dad and my mom tonight. My dad seemed pretty good. He did mention something about how I should talk to mom about her getting her supposed cancer surgery. How awful is it for me to say that I don't care if she does or not? Maybe I wouldn't feel this way if she hadn't said the things she's said recently. I'm afraid that my relationship with her is just dead... completely and utterly dead. She can't say the things about me and Brett that she has and think everything will be honky-dory again. Sorry, it just doesn't work that way. Not to mention she brought up junk to Zach when she talked to him. She is still CONVINCED that Brett trapped my dad to get arrested by the police. She doesn't understand that he was doing it so that my father wouldn't be able to kill himself. Period. What a wacko. So, yeah, she brought that up again. She also asked Zach if we've been fighting anymore. Apparently, at some point in the past, Zach brought up to mother that Brett and I argue. She's trying to say that Zach said I tried to hit him (Brett) and threw things at him. Zach refuses to admit he said that, I have no idea where it would come from. Yeah, I've yelled at my husband before (not while they were here though) and yeah I've even slammed a few doors but I have NEVER thrown ANYTHING at him and NEVER tried to hit him. NEVER. Thats just ridiculous. I'm not violent like my parents, I'm just not. So, anyways, she wants this info to tell the social worker, to try to make us look bad. She's already tried to make up stuff to tell her, obviously it hasn't worked. Oh and get this... the real kicker: She told my 13 y.o. brother that she has decided she won't have the surgery until there is a truce between her and my sister and I. She's trying to guilt us into forgiving her so she will have her surgery. I still can't even decide if she's really got cancer. What kind of freak decides to not get it removed before her daughters kiss and make up with her? Whatever.
(End of family drama)

On to happier things. Anna hasn't had a poopy diaper in 2 weeks now. WOW! She's still had some pee accidents but I'm soo proud. I think its time to convert her changing table (lol, take off the pad). I took off the changing pad, now I've just gotta decide what new things to put up there. She does pretty good with changing her clothes on the floor now and I just pull the pull-ups off and she steps into a new one. So, its really not necessary for me to use the changing table, as is, anymore. Although we missed Brett and the boys like crazy- we had lots of fun while it was just the two of us. Definitely some good Anna-Mommy time. I love time like that. Its never as hard as I thought it was going to be. Especially if we get out and do fun stuff. She already told me she wanted to go back to the library again, I guess we'll have to do that soon.

S

This sucks

So, we applied for financial aid with the state because of the whole deal with the boys.  
Our social worker advised it since  we aren't getting a whole lot of cash money records from my parents.  Yeah, the crappy thing is that when you apply for financial aid through this program they are going to seek out child support from the parents.  I checked my mail today and got a letter in the paper about the
state seeking child support from my parents.  It actually say Summer Hillesheim vs --- (My parents).  That freakin' sucks.  My dad has called twice today.  I can't answer it b/c I'm just sure that he got the papers too.  That really sucks b/c he's probably super pissed off about it.  He probably thinks I wanted it to happen this way.  Why do I even care?  I dunno, b/c I do.  I care b/c I hate my parents thinking I'm trying to screw them.  I hate my dad, especially thinking that.  I hate my dad thinking I'm doing things to be difficult to him.  I didn't want to worry about the whole child support thing, I know he's not back at work yet and has like NO money.  BUT we had to, if we were going to get help from the state. And lets face it, we could really use the extra money from the state.  Heck, we could really use some extra money from my parents too.  BUT I was kinda hoping that it would happen b/c they wanted to give it and knew they SHOULD give it, not b/c they were being forced into it.  I know at some point I'm going to have to deal with this.  At some point, I'm gonna have to speak to my dad (yeah, I didn't say my mom).  Sheesh, this just sucks.

I probably would be braver and speak to him if I weren't alone.  I can't deal with it though if he's mad and Brett's not here to help me get through it.  I just can't do it.  Does that make me weak?  Probably butI don't care.

S

I hate it when he's gone

Things just aren't right for me when he's not with me. He's not even been gone 12 hours AND I've seen him since he left AND I've talked to him since he left but its just not right when he's not here. Not to mention that I get all paranoid when its just me and Anna here. I think I have 90% of the lights on in the house and have checked the locks SEVERAL times. How is it that when he's here, I'm never scared but when he's gone I feel so vunerable? I'm just not myself without him. Pretty sappy huh?! I so admire those women whose husbands have to work late or work nights or travel alot, I don't know how they do it. Or heck, those women whose husbands don't lift a hand... I admire those women too! Things are a heck of alot more tiring when he's not here too!! Dang, I love him!

On another note, Anna gave me NOO trouble going to bed tonight. Maybe we should go out in the evenings ALL the time. lol. We went to get something to eat and to the library and then to eat S'Mores with Brett and the boys... since they are camping. It was lots of fun. Anna loves the library... I know I'm doing SOMETHING right when she gets excited there, right??!! They were having a book sale there, I bought 2 books for a total of 50 cents, wahoo! We got Anna about 9 books (loaned, not bought) and me 3 and a cd of blues music, wahoO! I love getting library books, lol! BUT I have to say, I'm not totally in love with the library in Shelbyville. I swear half of their adult fiction books are ancient! The other half are crazy hard to find. Everytime I see a series I wanna check out, I can NEVER find the first 2 or 3 in the series! I'm not wanna those people who can read books outta order either! Drives me crazy. Not to mention that I've been trying to check out Eldest for months and its STILL not in, grrrrr!

Oh well, I think I'll go read some of the books now and maybe listen to some blues!

S

The shaft

My daughter had the longest spell of separation anxiety in the history of the Earth, I think.  She's never been a BIG fan of other people, from the get.  I've been given the "look" by a million old ladies when I refused to force her into others company.  People wanted me to make her like going with others.  Yeah, rrright, that's gonna work.  So after 26 months of her refusing to go to Sunday school or to the nursery alone... she does now!  She's been doing really well with Ms. Dottie for a little but and would leaver Brett to go to Sunday school.  But to leave me for nursery time (during the sermon) was a whole other story. 
Yeah, well, now she'll even leave me.  Today, for the first time, she even volutarily went with a male nursery worker, SHOCK!!! GASP!!!!  I was floored and soo proud!  I haven't heard this many sermons in a row since bfore I had Anna, lol.  So, yeah, we got her a present for being such a big girl.  A "Backyardigans" book she has been eyeing.  I don't care if I shouldn't reinforce her with presents, I think she deserved it, dangit!


And people thought she was going to never be good around other people, sigh.  Take that.
S

car seat crazy

Anna's carseat had junk all over it.  Brett had to bring it in from the car so he could fit more of the youth group in the car.
So, I decided to wash the cover of it.  Yeah, do you know how difficult it was to get that cover off?
I think it was worse than trying to break into a bank vault, seriously it was ridiculous.  Now I have to hope 
that I can figure out how to get it all back on correctly.  I'll have to probably take it to get inspected afterwards
to make sure she won't fly out of it.  Now I wish I had just let it be nasty.

S 

Driving me crazy

I don't mean to sound like I don't want my brothers here, b/c I do. BUT, sometimes they freakin' drive me crazy. Like today and yesterday. I don't know if they were just tired from the week of school or just letting out engery over being excited to have 2 weeks off from school for the house - BUT they are driving me crazy. We've given them chores... not very mean, might I add, to help out. Normally they complain a bit but get up and do them, not so much yesterday and today. I told Shay if he didn't stop, he wasn't going to get clean laundry for a week and he could just eat sandwiches for dinner. Seriously, it gets old. I don't want to be a nag or a harp and it gets really old to have to remind them over and over to sweep the dang kitchen floor or to put up the dishes, grrr!

Brett took the whole kid crew to Wal-Mart to pick up snacks for this evening. He's taking the older kids and the youth group from church to some district youth meeting he sat up. So yeah, just me and Anna with no car and nothing to do on a Friday night... lots of fun, huh?!

Anna had a off day with the potty yesterday. I still haven't had to change a poopy diaper but she peed inher diaper everytime, I guess it'll be like this for awhile.

Oh and OPK positive, WAHOO! We'll be bding for a few nights for sure, lol!

S

So happy for her!

I just got an email from my good friend Dawn, who has been a friend of mine since SIXTH grade! 
Her longtime boyfriend PROPOSED! They are such a cute couple and I couldn't be any happier for her.
HE proposed on the beach, at sunset... I don't think it gets much better than that!  I'm so excited and happy for her.
Just looking at some of the pictures made me cry, it was just so sweet.  Sigh, makes me wanna get married
all over again, of course to Brett again.  I love weddings. 

In another note, I haven't changed a poopy diaper since Thursday.  Apparently, Anna has decided to
potty train herself, how freakin' awesome is that??! She still has some accidents but she is totally on her way.
She did it her way, in her own time... like she's done everything.  I've got a grown woman in a little girls body,
always determined to make her own decision in her own time.  It has made every transition pretty easy though, 
I just follow her lead.  

S 

slacker much?

Ok, so I think I'm gonna do a blog this way. 
 I have Anna's website but I always forget to update it lately but I don't wanna forget all the freakin' cute things she does. 
 So, combo Anna blog and my wandering thoughts blog.  Nice,huh??  Two in one combo deal, doesn't get much better than that!  
Yeah, so our life is so crazy now.  My two teenage brothers life with us and while I love them being here, sometimes life is well... hectic to say the least.  
I'm still trying to figure out how to be a parental figure to teenagers, especially sometimes when I still feel like a teenager.
  It doesn't help that my parents really, really suck right now. 
I promise to everyone I've ever known that I will never treat my daughter (or any other children) the way my parents have treated me, not even close.  
Tomorrow is Wednesday.  We are applying for financial aid to help cover some of the expenses the boys are helping up rack up, lol.
  We have an appointment tomorrow to see if we qualify.  
Then church later that night.  
Not to mention taking the boys to school and all the housework type jazz.
  Its so hard to figure out how to manage my time with two extra kids.  
LOL, I'll finally get it down pat and then they'll end up going back home.  Such as life, huh?

So, I'm not gonna burn myself out trying to make some crazy long first blog. 
 Of course, I'm assuming people will actually want to read what I have to say. 

S